Okay, so I found this post in my draft section and thought I would go ahead and post it because it is still highly applicable.  I changed it up a bit because when I wrote it I was in the depths of despair over wondering if I was going to have a job back in February of this year.  I’ll go ahead and save you the emotional details and spoil the end of that story by telling you that, yes, I was laid off from my job shortly after.  Anyway, I took out the stuff about the job to clean it up a bit.  I’m very happily employed these days, so no use bringing up the bitter past!  Now onto what I’ve been blabbering about…

I LOVE the songs that Daniel Lanois writes…like “The Maker” and “Save Me.”  He definitely has made a career out of connecting his heart with his writing.  I won’t go into all the people who have covered his songs, because this blog post would go for days.  I was sitting at my computer the other day…thinking and wondering about the many things I often think and wonder about.  No, I’m not going to divulge those details.  Of course, those thoughts led to God and what direction He has me going in this life.  I know…deep, right?  Sometimes I’m good for such a thing.  I felt like I was at a breaking point with several things when I heard the song, “The Maker” by Dave Matthews.  The lyrics slapped me.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment.  Lanois’ songs are poetically passionate and some are even deeply spiritual.  He has been around for some time and has many rings on his song writing tree.  I didn’t know a lot about him until recently, but now that I have done my research…I have a whole new appreciation!  I thought “Falling at Your Feet” was pretty awesome lyric-wise and then I found this video on YouTube- Daniel and Bono performing the song and I thought it was pretty awesome.

Bono and Daniel Lanois—Falling at Your Feet

Every chip from every cup
Every promise given up
Every reason that’s not enough
Is falling, falling at your feet

Every band elastic limit
Every race when there’s nothing in it
Every winner that’s lost a ticket
Is falling, falling at your feet
I’ve come crawling, falling at your feet

Everyone who needs a friend
Every life that has no end
Every knee not ready to bend
Is falling, falling at your feet
I’ve come crawling, now I’m falling at your feet

All fall down (All the manic dazed faces that you pull)
All fall down (All the action is not under your control)
All fall down (The graffiti rolling down off of your tongue)
All fall down (And the compromise you make for some)

Every teenager with acne
Every face that’s spoiled by beauty
Every adult tamed by duty
They’re all falling at your feet

Every foot in every face
Every cop’s stop who finds the grace
Every prisoner in the maze
Every hand that needs an ace
Is falling, falling at your feet
I’ve come crawling, and I’m falling at your feet

(All fall down) All the books you never read
(All fall down) Just started
(All fall down) All the meals you rushed
(All fall down) Never tasted

Every eye closed by a bruise
Every player who just can’t lose
Every pop star howling abuse
Every drunk back on the booze
All falling at your feet
Oh I’m falling at your feet

(All fall down) All the information
(All fall down) All the big ideas
(All fall down) All the radio waves
(All fall down) Electronic seas
(All fall down) How to navigate
(All fall down) How to simply be
(All fall down) To know when to wait
(All fall down) This plain simplicity
(All fall down) In whom shall I trust
(All fall down) How might I be still
(All fall down) Teach me to surrender (All fall down) Not my will, thy will

I took a somewhat brief pause in sighing over getting stuck behind a slow-moving school bus while driving down Jefferson Street today (which I am still not sure how I ended up on).  During my brief sabbatical from self-centeredness (is that a true word?) I happened to notice the kids coming off the bus.  I will preface this with, God bless teachers.  I couldn’t see the side of the bus, so I really can’t say whether they took the proper exit from the bus door or if they pushed each other out of the windows.  Either way, they came off of that bus at around 60 mph….well, more like 40 mph when you subtract the wind drag they receive from their mouths flapping wide open while running a mile a minute.  Anyway, I digress.  

What I was getting to is that the first group of kids consisted of maybe 4 girls and 4 boys.  We’ll call the first girl, “Girl A.”  Girl A comes off the bus first and noticeably alone.  She has a strained look on her face.  She appears to be taller than all the other kids and equally proportioned horizontally.  Then pops off the group of boys, about four in count.  ”Boy A” is experiencing exactly what I was referring to earlier when I mentioned “wind drag.”  He was yelling something when he came off the bus, but I didn’t hear what it was at first.  I noticed he and his “boys” were walking quickly to remain behind Girl A as they walk down the sidewalk.  As they get closer to my truck I hear what they are saying, or singing rather…I believe it was something of their own creation which they thought was quite clever.  Girl A keeps glancing back to look at them the entire time and now I know the reason for both her repeated looks and the strained facial expression.  The terribly clever group of boys were singing “Here piggy, piggy…Oink, Oink, Oink!!!”  

My heart broke for her.  Yes, I realize that this whole story is terribly cliché and it is all a part of growing up…whatever.  I was that girl once.  No, I didn’t necessarily get made fun of for my weight…at least, not that I am aware.  I gained most of my weight in college, which luckily I attended a Christian-bubble university.  Actually, to be completely honest…I’m pretty sure I made fun of my weight way more than anyone else.  I do know what it feels like to be rejected and to feel out-of-place though and it isn’t a fun experience.  I blame no one for the feelings I experienced but myself, because I did it to myself.  I hid from years and years of heartbreak.  Weight was my security blanket for a long time.  I’ve only just managed to rid myself of some of that blanket, because I am finally ready.  God has healed my heart and now I am free…My bad, went on a Shawna soapbox for a minute.  Sorry.  

Okay, promise…Back to Girl A.  There was also a group of girls, approximately 3 or 4, who were walking behind the immature boy-band.  The girls were giggling and whispering to each other as they walked, most likely trying to support their favorite boy-band.  To be honest, this story doesn’t go much further than that…but it really doesn’t need to go any further.  I sat there, mostly because the bus wasn’t going anywhere, and watched the whole thing feeling like I wish that I could do something or say something.  I felt helpless.  I thought about it for the rest of the drive, which is what made me blab it all out here tonight.  I don’t really have a grand epiphany to relate or a grandiose tale about how I got out and told those boys off and went straight to their mothers.  I was just thinking about how mean people can be and how bad it stinks to be on that receiving end.  We all know what it feels like to be awkward at times and to feel disconnected and we all know what it feels like when someone takes that extra step to make us feel normal and a part of things.  It would have been so much easier for all involved if the boys would have laughed and joked with each other and all the girls were walking and talking together…but that isn’t how things work.  After processing it out in my mind during the ride and for the last little bit…I actually came to a completely different conclusion.  

I didn’t even know my thoughts would veer the way they did, so I surprised myself.  Bear with me, I do have an actual point.  My final thoughts on everything is that, yes, it totally stinks that poor girl had to endure that walk home and probably all of her walks home with those same squeaky boys.  She will most likely suffer emotional scars from the whole thing and go through many similar situations/feelings during her lifetime.  My desire to end her pain at the bus stop today would maybe have given her a small reprieve, but it wouldn’t have made it all go away forever.  It’s pain.  It hurts.  It always hurts…but that is what we are supposed to experience to grow.  Am I glad she experienced pain the way she did?  NO!  Do I think she had to experience it that way.  No.  What I do think is that she has the chance to use it to shape herself into a strong woman.  Believe me, I speak from experience.  I’ve seen a lot of pain in my life and it took me almost 32 years to get to what I am writing out in this blog today.  Pain is part of the human experience and it is what shapes us into who we are and how strong we become.  I never realized what a strong woman God made me by all the heartache I have experienced in my life.  Am I completely healed from it, no.  I have only just learned to view it with a different lens.  God brought me to this place, not me.  I had to work on the inside for a long time before I could work on the outside.  I’m finally to that place and I am happy.  I am content with who I am and I love me.  Am I my biggest fan? Probably not.  However, I am proud of being exactly who God made me and part of that is being proud of how far I have come in my journey.  I love my life and I love my God.  I love my compassionate heart and my gift for serving others.  I love my joy of laughter and making others laugh.  I am still a work in progress on the outside, but I am getting there.  I will reach that goal when it is time and I will love myself even if I don’t.  

That little girl reminded me today that I had to go through everything I did in my life to find contentment.  God didn’t cause any of it, but He sure has used it to His glory…and for that I am truly thankful.  I pray that little girl grows up to be one amazing woman and that she uses all these experiences as a sharpening tool.

Man, all this emotional memory lane stuff has made me want a cookie.

From the mouth of Henry D. Thoreau…

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! “Still we live meanly, like ants; though the fable tells us that we were long ago changed into men; like pygmies we fight with cranes; it is error upon error, and clout upon clout, and our best virtue has for its occasion a superfluous and evitable wretchedness. Our life is frittered away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten fingers, or in extreme cases he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest.

Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail. In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the clouds and storms and quick-sands and thousand and one items to be allowed for, that a man has to live, if he would not founder and go to the bottom and not make his port at all, by dead reckoning, and he must be a great calculator indeed who succeeds. Simplify, simplify. Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary eat but one; instead of a hundred dishes, five; and reduce other things in proportion.” Henry D. Thoreau, Walden, Where I Lived, and What I Lived For, p. 56

What an excellent quote!  Thoreau had his mind and heart in the right place.  This life is not about material things and superficial relationships…its about loving others, building strong relationships, serving God and spreading His Word.

I’ve been feeling the call for a more simplistic life for quite a while now, especially after spending the last two weeks in Russia.  It was great to spend the last two weeks without a cell phone, computer or ipod…it reminded me of life before these distractions.  Don’t get me wrong, technology has a lot of benefits and I don’t want to necessarily give them up, but I do want to let go of some of my dependence on them.  I have felt so distracted lately and have longed to live my life more simplistically.  I’m tired of debt, junk and clutter.  I just want to go to work and come home and not think about work.  I want to spend time with the people I love and not feel rushed to be somewhere else all the time.  I want to live my life not knowing or caring what is on t.v.  I want more free time and clarity, so that I can study and live out God’s Word. I want to live out the rest of my years doing things that matter, instead of rushing through it all just to get to the end and wish I had taken it slower.

It feels so wonderful to have a fresh perspective on things and I pray that I keep my mind and heart clear so that I don’t lose it.  God is so good!

Man, this song says it all…this is exactly how it should be done.  No pushing or pulling done from either side.

“It Just Comes Natural” by George Strait

Sun shines, Clouds rain
Train Whistles blow and Guitars Play
Preachers Preach, Farmers Plow
Wishes go up and the World goes round

And I love you, It just comes Natural
It just comes Natural
Seasons Change, Rivers Wind
Tumble Weeds roll and the Stars shine
Wind Howls, dawn breaks
Cowboys riding’ time slips away

And I love you, It just comes Natural
It’s what I was born to do
Don’t have to think it through
Baby, it’s so easy loving you
It just comes Natural

It’s what I was born to do
Don’t have to think it Through
Baby it’s so easy loving you

Fire burns, Waves Crash
Seeds grow and good things last
Ships sail, Dreams fly
Night falls and Full moons rise

And I love you, It just comes Natural
And I love you, It just comes Natural
It just comes Natural
It just comes Natural

A friend told me a great story about cheating on a diet and how it sometimes felt like an “out of body experience.”

I’m thinking that at least 80% of my decision-making, in general, falls under that “out of body experience” category.  My mind and actions are working together in the beginning of the whole process and I’m thinking, okay, we’re on the same wavelength and have a course of action…we’re on a roll!  Well, before you know it, my “actions” forsake the whole plan and instead run ahead on a completely different route.  I can see the whole thing happening from behind and I am usually thinking…”what on earth just happened?” and “that wasn’t part of the plan!”

I’m just saying, you can’t throw trust your actions as far as you can throw them!

God is big.  I am small.

Nuff said.

This is Oswald Chambers’ (My Utmost for His Highest) devo entry for today:

THE WORSHIP OF THE WORK

“Labourers together with God.” 1 Corinthians 3:9 Beware of any work for God which enables you to evade concentration on Him. A great many Christian workers worship their work. The one concern of a worker should be concentration on God, and this will mean that all the other margins of life, mental, moral and spiritual, are free with the freedom of a child, a worshipping child, not a wayward child. A worker without this solemn dominant note of concentration on God is apt to get his work on his neck; there is no margin of body, mind or spirit free, consequently he becomes spent out and crushed. There is no freedom, no delight in life; nerves, mind and heart are so crushingly burdened that God’s blessing cannot rest. But the other side is just as true – when once the concentration is on God, all the margins of life are free and under the dominance of God alone. There is no responsibility on you for the work; the only responsibility you have is to keep in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your co-operation with Him. The freedom after sanctification is the freedom of a child, the things that used to keep the life pinned down are gone. But be careful to remember that you are freed for one thing only – to be absolutely devoted to your co-Worker. We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. God engineers everything; wherever He puts us our one great aim is to pour out a whole-hearted devotion to Him in that particular work. “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.”

I read this short devotional just a moment ago and it could not have come at a more perfect moment.  It’s been a difficult couple of weeks, with many roller coaster-like ups and downs.  I feel like Satan has been working double time lately, because he felt like my heart was becoming too filled with God.  That’s the one and only thing that scares satan- relationship with Christ.  Of course, I can’t blame everything on satan, because it takes my heart and mind’s attention to be distracted by it.

God gave us a choice, but sometimes I feel like it is an honor and gift that I am still too immature and ill-equipped to handle. It amazes me that in spite of my unsteady faith; God’s love, support, and guidance remain constant.   God is one of those teachers we all dream about…the ones who give the answers to the test as a study guide for the actual exam.  His Word is there to arm us against attacks from satan and ourselves.

I feel like God sent this one special delivery today!   It is a great reminder of what our purpose is on this earth, what we should and shouldn’t put our weight in, and how we go about keeping focused.  What a great encouragement!  Here is the devotional I was talking about…Enjoy!

Purposeful Pursuits

1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV: Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun” (Eccl. 2 10-11). Solomon had seen it all, tried it all, and denied himself nothing. And upon careful reflection, he concluded that there is but one good cause for mankind: “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (Eccl. 12:13). There is much to shake us, much to stir, much to cause strife, much to distract, and much to disturb us in our efforts to stand firm in Christ. Whether it be things of the world, things of pleasure, or things of selfish pursuit; they are things that leave us empty. Our greatest joy, fulfillment, meaning and purpose shall only and always be found in Christ all else, is a chasing after the wind.

Just a Moment

by Max Lucado

It all happened in a moment, a most remarkable moment.

As moments go, that one appeared no different than any other. If you could somehow pick it up off the timeline and examine it, it would look exactly like the ones that have passed while you have read these words. It came and it went. It was preceded and succeeded by others just like it. It was one of the countless moments that have marked time since eternity became measurable.

But in reality, that particular moment was like none other. For through that segment of time a spectacular thing occurred. God became a man. While the creatures of earth walked unaware, Divinity arrived. Heaven opened herself and placed her most precious one in a human womb.

The omnipotent, in one instant, made himself breakable. He who had been spirit became pierceable. He who was larger than the universe became an embryo. And he who sustains the world with a word chose to be dependent upon the nourishment of a young girl.

God as a fetus. Holiness sleeping in a womb. The creator of life being created.

God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys, and a spleen. He stretched against the walls and floated in the amniotic fluids of his mother.

God had come near.

He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror, but as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, calloused, and dirty.

For thirty-three years he would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure. He was susceptible to wooing women. He got colds, burped, and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired. And his head ached.

To think of Jesus in such a light is—well, it seems almost irreverent, doesn’t it? It’s not something we like to do; it’s uncomfortable. It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer.

He’s easier to stomach that way. There is something about keeping him divine that keeps him distant, packaged, predictable.

But don’t do it. For heaven’s sake, don’t. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out.

It all happened in a moment. In one moment … a most remarkable moment. The Word became flesh.

There will be another. The world will see another instantaneous transformation. You see, in becoming man, God made it possible for man to see God. When Jesus went home he left the back door open. As a result, “we will all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.” (1 Corinthians 15:51–52)

The first moment of transformation went unnoticed by the world. But you can bet your sweet September that the second one won’t. The next time you use the phrase “just a moment, … ” remember that’s all the time it will take to change this world.

From
God Came Near
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2006) Max Lucado