“Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time”    by Rick Warren

“I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns. Philippians 1:6 (LB) “The moment you open yourself to Christ, Jesus begins to work in your life. ” It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. When you try to ripen fruit quickly, it loses its flavor. While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned about how strong we grow. God views our lives from and for eternity, so he is never in a hurry. The moment you open yourself to Christ, Jesus begins to work in your life. You may think you have surrendered all your life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot to your life that you aren’t even conscious of. You can only give God as much of you as you understand at that moment. That’s okay. Once Jesus begins to work, he take over more and more of your life until all of your is completely his. There will be struggles and battles, but the outcome will never be in doubt. God has promised that “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” (Philippians 1:6, NIV)

It’s been a while…suppose it is time that I do a little mind-purging on the old blog site.  I’ve been going through a bit of a journey, both spiritually and emotionally.  I know, I know…it’s getting deep and only two sentences in, but bear with me! 

I have to admit that I’ve left God knocking at the door a few times of late…not intentionally.  I haven’t felt very worthy of his presence lately, because I’ve been trying to sort through some stuff from deep down in the old dust bin.  You know…those last few little crumbs or pieces of lint that never seem to want to go into the dustpan?  Oh yeah…you know what I’m talking about.  Hey, and don’t give me that “well, just use a vacuum” speech.  We’re talking strictly dustpan here!  Ha, ha…I degress, as usual. 

So, after years and years of listening to him knock on the door to that little area which hides behind it…. the one with all the dust from lack of cleaning…I’m finally letting Him in with the cleaning crew to clean it up.  I know, I know…He has always known what was behind there, but its way easier to pretend that He doesn’t than to face the disappointment on His face….at least, that’s what the wounded part in all of us wants us to think.  Come on…that is just absurd logic.  Why do we do that to ourselves?  Yeah, Satan plays on it, but we can’t blame him for everything…the weakness begins with us and the choices we make to hide out of fear.  Satan just takes it and runs with it…we usually throw the first pitch.

Well, the spiritual side of things has taken a bit of a dip as of late, but I think that is because the emotional side has been in focus.  I’m finally learning to let go of the past and focus on the future…do I think that is going to happen at the snap of the fingers?  Umm…right.  No, it’s all a process and I’m just in the beginning, but I can tell you that it sure feels good to be on a straight track instead of the circular one I’ve been on for years.  Yep, that’s right…I’m being all deep and stuff…but you knew that was coming before you even read the first line!  It’s me we’re talking about!  

Well, I’m thinking I might purge a thought or two on here every now and again to kind of journal my journey, as they say.  I’m new to the whole vulnerability thing, so this can be part of my challenge.  I’m not aiming to air dirty laundry or anything…it’s more like I’m ready to show off my newly cleaned laundry! ; )  Anyway, I’m beginning to ramble so I’ll cut this short.  I’m really excited about how God is working in my life and I am finally learning to take His hand instead of holding on to the hand of the past.  I don’t know why I let it lead me around in circles for so long, but I guess that is all a part of experience and how we learn from it. 

All that to say, that I really enjoyed the quote posted above…God is teaching me to be vulnerable and to trust and not let insecurity be my guide…that is the Spirit’s role.  It’s time I let it do its job and stop giving so much of my energy to the hindering of it.

To be continued…

I’m still not calling this one a “new year’s resolution,” because I don’t want it to be tainted by the term.  It’s not something you can just slap down on a list somewhere between, “lose weight” and “exercise more.”   As a matter of fact, it can’t be confined to a list, because this one is written in the heart and mind.

It is a great reminder that before we set our hearts on minds on a growth plan for this year…change the lens we view them through first.  Make a list of things you are already thankful for this year, before they even happen and a list of the things for which you have truly been blessed.  All of the things we make as “resolutions” are about doing and striving to be better people, which isn’t necessarily bad but we limit their success to our ability…why not put them in the hands of the one who ensures success?

We have to drown out the list of noise and refocus our energy on being better people through Christ and giving our thanks to Him through out this next year and the rest of our lives!   Let us not focus on a list of things we may or may not follow through with this year and instead focus on giving thanks to the one who steadily provides no matter what successes/failures.  All the other stuff will fall into place as He sees fit.

yeah, yeah…I know, climb off the little soap box and hush already!  Okay, here is the excerpt…

Yeah, yeah…easier said than done, eh?

Well, I didn’t say that it would necessarily take a hike just because I said to, but that doesn’t mean I need to keep on molly coddling it!  It will most likely try everything it can to stay on, but I’m sure not going to make it an easy ride!  I’m just saying…no more doormat for me when it comes to fear.

Whew…enough of all that.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to divulge my fears on here today and write a 400 page post or anything.  I’m just going to take this year and truly work on releasing the hold of fear and hopefully create a few posts along the way.  I am going to pray for each of them specifically and be still…well, I suppose this is where I should say that I am going to be praying about learning to be still first and then get to the fear thing.  Believe me, it’s going to be a long journey!

That being said…here is a little excerpt from Lucado’s book.  He also has the entire first chapter on his website at http://www.maxlucado.com/articles/excerpts/fearless_chapter_1

Here you go…

“They’re talking layoffs at work, slowdowns in the economy, flare-ups in the Middle East, turnovers at headquarters, downturns in the housing market, upswings in global warming, breakouts of Al Qaeda cells. Some demented dictator is collecting nuclear warheads like others collect fine wines. A strain of Asian flu is boarding flights out of China. The plague of our day, terrorism, begins with the word terror. News programs disgorge enough hand-wringing information to warrant an advisory. “Caution: this news report is best viewed in the confines of an underground vault in Iceland.”

We fear being sued, finishing last, going broke; we fear the mole on the back, the new kid on the block, the sound of the clock as it ticks us closer to the grave. We sophisticate investment plans, create elaborate security systems, and stronger military; yet we depend on mood-altering drugs more than any generation in history. Moreover, “the average child today … has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the 1950s.”

Fear, it seems, has taken a hundred-year lease on the building next door and set up shop. Oversized and rude, unwilling to share the heart with happiness. Happiness complies. Do you ever see the two together? Can one be happy and afraid at the same time? Clear thinking and afraid? Confident and afraid? Merciful and afraid? No. Fear is the big bully in the high school hallway: brash, loud, and unproductive. For all the noise fear makes and room it takes, fear does little good.

Fear never wrote a symphony or poem, negotiated a peace treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never pulled a family out of poverty or a country out of bigotry. Fear never saved a marriage or a business. Courage did that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult or cower to their timidities did that. But fear itself? Fear herds us into a prison of unlocked doors.

Wouldn’t it be great to walk out?

Imagine your life, wholly untouched by angst. What if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats? If you could hover a fear magnet over your heart and extract every last shaving of dread, insecurity, or doubt, what would remain? Envision a day, just one day, absent the dread of failure, rejection, or calamity. Can you imagine a life with no fear? This is the possibility behind Jesus’ question.

“Why are you afraid?” he asks.”

Merry Christmas to all.

Here is the excerpt…

“Joseph [Mary’s husband, being a just man.” Matthew 1:19 NKJV

"Joseph’s role in the Christmas story teaches us two things: (1) Your character matter to God. (2) Doing God’s will is not easy. Jesus’ earthly father was a small-town carpenter living in Nazareth, a single-camel dot on the map Why Joseph? Doesn’t God have better options? A major part of the answer lies in his reputation, which he’s willing to give up for Jesus. “Then Joseph [Mary’s] husband, a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.” The phrase “a just man,” recognizes Joseph’s character. He’d earned respect through a lifetime of honesty and hard work. We’d probably view him as we would an elder, deacon or Bible class teacher. But Mary’s announcement, “I’m pregnant,” put it all at risk. Now what? On one hand he has the law, on the other hand he has his love. The law says, “stone her,” his love says, “save her.” Joseph is caught in the middle. Doing the will of God is rewarding, but seldom easy! Even after the angel explains to him the miracle of virgin birth, he still faces a dilemma. Make up a lie and preserve his place in the community, or tell the truth and kiss his reputation goodbye. He makes his decision: “Joseph…took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son” (Matt. 1:24-25 NKJV). Joseph swapped his teaching and his preconceived ideas for a pregnant fiancée and an unplanned son. In so doing, he made the big decision of discipleship. What’s that? Placing God’s plan ahead of your own!”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.”

—Marianne Williamson

Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit

1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .
2. Proud people are self-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.
3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .
4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.
6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
7. Broken people are self-denying.
8. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.
9. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.
10. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .
11. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .
12. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don’t deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
13. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
14. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
15. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.
16. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.
17. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.
18. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.
19. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.
20. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
21. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
22. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
23. Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.
24. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God’s spirit.
25. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.
26. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them
27. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.
28. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.
29. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light
30. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
31. Proud people are unbroken and don’t think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.

I LOVE the songs that Daniel Lanois writes…like “The Maker” and “Save Me.”  He definitely has made a career out of connecting his heart with his writing.  I won’t go into all the people who have covered his songs, because this blog post would go for days.  I was sitting at my computer the other day…thinking and wondering about the many things I often think and wonder about.  No, I’m not going to divulge those details.  Of course, those thoughts led to God and what direction He has me going in this life.  I know…deep, right?  Sometimes I’m good for such a thing.  I felt like I was at a breaking point with several things when I heard the song, “The Maker” by Dave Matthews.  The lyrics slapped me.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment.  Lanois’ songs are poetically passionate and some are even deeply spiritual.  He has been around for some time and has many rings on his song writing tree.  I didn’t know a lot about him until recently, but now that I have done my research…I have a whole new appreciation!  I thought “Falling at Your Feet” was pretty awesome lyric-wise and then I found this video on YouTube- Daniel and Bono performing the song and I thought it was pretty awesome.

Bono and Daniel Lanois—Falling at Your Feet

Every chip from every cup
Every promise given up
Every reason that’s not enough
Is falling, falling at your feet

Every band elastic limit
Every race when there’s nothing in it
Every winner that’s lost a ticket
Is falling, falling at your feet
I’ve come crawling, falling at your feet

Everyone who needs a friend
Every life that has no end
Every knee not ready to bend
Is falling, falling at your feet
I’ve come crawling, now I’m falling at your feet

All fall down (All the manic dazed faces that you pull)
All fall down (All the action is not under your control)
All fall down (The graffiti rolling down off of your tongue)
All fall down (And the compromise you make for some)

Every teenager with acne
Every face that’s spoiled by beauty
Every adult tamed by duty
They’re all falling at your feet

Every foot in every face
Every cop’s stop who finds the grace
Every prisoner in the maze
Every hand that needs an ace
Is falling, falling at your feet
I’ve come crawling, and I’m falling at your feet

(All fall down) All the books you never read
(All fall down) Just started
(All fall down) All the meals you rushed
(All fall down) Never tasted

Every eye closed by a bruise
Every player who just can’t lose
Every pop star howling abuse
Every drunk back on the booze
All falling at your feet
Oh I’m falling at your feet

(All fall down) All the information
(All fall down) All the big ideas
(All fall down) All the radio waves
(All fall down) Electronic seas
(All fall down) How to navigate
(All fall down) How to simply be
(All fall down) To know when to wait
(All fall down) This plain simplicity
(All fall down) In whom shall I trust
(All fall down) How might I be still
(All fall down) Teach me to surrender (All fall down) Not my will, thy will

What I was getting to is that the first group of kids consisted of maybe 4 girls and 4 boys.  We’ll call the first girl, “Girl A.”  Girl A comes off the bus first and noticeably alone.  She has a strained look on her face.  She appears to be taller than all the other kids and equally proportioned horizontally.  Then pops off the group of boys, about four in count.  ”Boy A” is experiencing exactly what I was referring to earlier when I mentioned “wind drag.”  He was yelling something when he came off the bus, but I didn’t hear what it was at first.  I noticed he and his “boys” were walking quickly to remain behind Girl A as they walk down the sidewalk.  As they get closer to my truck I hear what they are saying, or singing rather…I believe it was something of their own creation which they thought was quite clever.  Girl A keeps glancing back to look at them the entire time and now I know the reason for both her repeated looks and the strained facial expression.  The terribly clever group of boys were singing “Here piggy, piggy…Oink, Oink, Oink!!!”  

My heart broke for her.  Yes, I realize that this whole story is terribly cliché and it is all a part of growing up…whatever.  I was that girl once.  No, I didn’t necessarily get made fun of for my weight…at least, not that I am aware.  I gained most of my weight in college, which luckily I attended a Christian-bubble university.  Actually, to be completely honest…I’m pretty sure I made fun of my weight way more than anyone else.  I do know what it feels like to be rejected and to feel out-of-place though and it isn’t a fun experience.  I blame no one for the feelings I experienced but myself, because I did it to myself.  I hid from years and years of heartbreak.  Weight was my security blanket for a long time.  I’ve only just managed to rid myself of some of that blanket, because I am finally ready.  God has healed my heart and now I am free…My bad, went on a Shawna soapbox for a minute.  Sorry.  

Okay, promise…Back to Girl A.  There was also a group of girls, approximately 3 or 4, who were walking behind the immature boy-band.  The girls were giggling and whispering to each other as they walked, most likely trying to support their favorite boy-band.  To be honest, this story doesn’t go much further than that…but it really doesn’t need to go any further.  I sat there, mostly because the bus wasn’t going anywhere, and watched the whole thing feeling like I wish that I could do something or say something.  I felt helpless.  I thought about it for the rest of the drive, which is what made me blab it all out here tonight.  I don’t really have a grand epiphany to relate or a grandiose tale about how I got out and told those boys off and went straight to their mothers.  I was just thinking about how mean people can be and how bad it stinks to be on that receiving end.  We all know what it feels like to be awkward at times and to feel disconnected and we all know what it feels like when someone takes that extra step to make us feel normal and a part of things.  It would have been so much easier for all involved if the boys would have laughed and joked with each other and all the girls were walking and talking together…but that isn’t how things work.  After processing it out in my mind during the ride and for the last little bit…I actually came to a completely different conclusion.  

I didn’t even know my thoughts would veer the way they did, so I surprised myself.  Bear with me, I do have an actual point.  My final thoughts on everything is that, yes, it totally stinks that poor girl had to endure that walk home and probably all of her walks home with those same squeaky boys.  She will most likely suffer emotional scars from the whole thing and go through many similar situations/feelings during her lifetime.  My desire to end her pain at the bus stop today would maybe have given her a small reprieve, but it wouldn’t have made it all go away forever.  It’s pain.  It hurts.  It always hurts…but that is what we are supposed to experience to grow.  Am I glad she experienced pain the way she did?  NO!  Do I think she had to experience it that way.  No.  What I do think is that she has the chance to use it to shape herself into a strong woman.  Believe me, I speak from experience.  I’ve seen a lot of pain in my life and it took me almost 32 years to get to what I am writing out in this blog today.  Pain is part of the human experience and it is what shapes us into who we are and how strong we become.  I never realized what a strong woman God made me by all the heartache I have experienced in my life.  Am I completely healed from it, no.  I have only just learned to view it with a different lens.  God brought me to this place, not me.  I had to work on the inside for a long time before I could work on the outside.  I’m finally to that place and I am happy.  I am content with who I am and I love me.  Am I my biggest fan? Probably not.  However, I am proud of being exactly who God made me and part of that is being proud of how far I have come in my journey.  I love my life and I love my God.  I love my compassionate heart and my gift for serving others.  I love my joy of laughter and making others laugh.  I am still a work in progress on the outside, but I am getting there.  I will reach that goal when it is time and I will love myself even if I don’t.  

That little girl reminded me today that I had to go through everything I did in my life to find contentment.  God didn’t cause any of it, but He sure has used it to His glory…and for that I am truly thankful.  I pray that little girl grows up to be one amazing woman and that she uses all these experiences as a sharpening tool.

Man, all this emotional memory lane stuff has made me want a cookie.